Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. Those of you who are single may be dreading the day. I know the idea of spending Valentine’s day alone is not the hope of any girl, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. No, I’m not single. But I will be spending this year’s Valentine’s day alone. I’m currently living thousands of miles away from my fiancé, so I am having some of the same feelings I’ve had on past Valentines Days. Most of which, I’ve been single. Feelings of being sorry for myself, because I have to watch other couples go on romantic dates, and be extra lovey-dovey. Meanwhile, I’m at home snuggling my pillow, eating popcorn, and watching the Bachelor on Hulu.
These feelings are natural and it’s even in our biology to want to connect with people. You see, being single on Valentine’s Day might come as a benefit to you, or any other day. Being single allows you to grow as a person and figure out what you want without anyone else’s feelings or opinions interfering.
The key to being able to enjoy Valentine’s Day while being single is to love yourself. If you aren’t content with yourself and okay with being alone then you are going to have a really hard time accepting your single status on a day that exploits love and companionship.
If you aren’t in a place where you can be content being alone for a night, then you probably aren’t ready for a serious relationship anyways. It’s kind of a funny and ironic thing. Once you have learned how to love yourself and be okay with being single, you’ll be more attractive to guys and you will be in a better place to have a long standing relationship.
Don’t try to love yourself to attract guys or be ready for a relationship though, that defeats the point, and you probably won’t get very far. You should want to learn to love yourself because it’s beneficial to you, and you’re awesome of course!
Steps to Loving Yourself
1. Forgive Yourself and Others
Loving yourself isn’t always easy. Especially if you feel guilt for past mistakes and various ways you have acted. Or, maybe you’ve even been told by someone “you just aren’t loveable.” None of these things detract from you being loveable. What people have said to you in the past in an attempt to devalue you has no actual barring on your value to others, and you sure as hell shouldn’t allow it to have an effect on how you view yourself. No matter what your history is you are worthy of love, especially from yourself.
No one is underserving of love. If you’ve bullied others, or have said hateful things in the past, you are still deserving of love every day. If you’ve been taught that you aren’t good enough, know that you are. In fact, depriving yourself of love is only going to increase the chances of continuing the behaviors making you feel unworthy of love in the first place.
Once you begin to love yourself you will value yourself and others more. As they say “hurt people hurt people. Our insecurities often make us lash out on others and put others down to fill ourselves up.
So, forgive yourself for any wrong doings you’ve done in the past, and forgive others for what they have done to you. Harboring hate towards yourself or others will not help you on the journey to loving yourself.
This step of forgiveness is not instantaneous, it takes work. We aren’t perfect creatures and we can try to forgive, but it’s much harder to forget. Remember when you agree to forgive yourself or another, do not to use past instances as ammo in a fight with them. Forgiving is letting go. Once you have decided to forgive, you no longer can use what has happened in the past against you or others.
Once you’ve agreed to forgive yourself and others, you’ve completed the hardest step in loving yourself! Seriously, it all gets easier from here. Granted, throughout loving yourself, there may be more moments where you are going to have to repeat this step. We all make mistakes, so you will continuously have to make the choice to forgive yourself and others.
2. Find Something You Like to do Solo
The next part of loving yourself is learning how to be comfortable being by yourself. Now that you don’t have any self-hatred for yourself, this shouldn’t be too hard. Finding contentment and solace while being alone is important. Finding something that you like to do by yourself is essential. This can be writing in a journal, knitting, photography, anything. Just something that you can do alone that makes you happy. Having this hobby will not only be beneficial when you are single, but it will be great when you are in a relationship too.
When you are in a relationship it’s important to still keep yourself and your individuality. Going into a relationship having a strong sense of self and independence only benefits the relationship. You shouldn’t always have to rely on your partner to entertain you, or make you happy. You have the ability to make yourself happy. Sure, your partner should be able to boost that happiness even more, but they aren’t responsible for being the sole reason you’re happy. No one holds the key to your happiness. You do.
3. Accept Who You Are
When it comes to loving yourself it’s important to be okay with every aspect of yourself, from looks to personality. By reading this article you now know you’re worthy of love, and you’ve learned how to be content being alone. Now, it’s time to accept all aspects of yourself. There’s nothing wrong with setting goals like losing five pounds, getting more fit, or making a new friend each week, but in the midst of self-improvement you need to learn to be accepting of where you are at.
To be able to accept how you look, how much you weigh, and how many friends you have on Facebook does not mean you can’t aim to improve all those aspects of your life. However, if you are only ever focusing on what life will be like once you achieve these things you’re depriving yourself of enjoying the present. So, yes create goals for yourself, but don’t let them get in the way of you being able to enjoy where you are at now.
If you’re single the best gift you can get yourself this Valentine’s day is some self-acceptance, love, and chocolate of course! Following these three steps will allow you to be comfortable while single, and have you not focusing on what you need to be happy, but enjoying the now.
I hope this article helped you and don’t forget you are gorgeous and are worthy of love, especially from yourself. Don’t deprive yourself of you, because you need you to be happy.
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